point-n-click

A duck walks into a bar and he says to the bartender, “Hey Bartender, you got any grapes?” And the Bartender says, “No I don’t have any grapes, this is a bar!”   And the duck says “Okay.”   So he leaves the bar, he walks around the block, he comes back and he says, “Bartender, you got any grapes?” The Bartender says, “ No. I don’t have any grapes.” And the duck says “Okay.”   He leaves the bar, walks around the block again, “Hey Bartender, you got any grapes?” The Bartender says, “Look, if you ask me that again, I’m going to nail you to the wall!” The duck says “Okay,” leaves the bar, comes back, “Hey Bartender, you got any nails?” The Bartender says, “No!” The duck says “Ah… You got any grapes?” -- jennifer egan ,  dinner party ice breaker 115

A friend of mine was in town for the DrupalConSF and asked me about some San Francisco history. Thus it seems appropriate to publish some of the lesser known historical tidbits about SF that I've been meaning to resend out for awhile. Hope you enjoy & learn about SF, or use this in a drinking game/trivia night, etc. Credits to Stacey Irvine - an amazing and curious person - from Parody , of the Dive Bar Club fame. san francisco trivia The Questions Answers Why was Lawrence Ferlinghetti arrested in 1956 on obscenity charges? He published Alan Ginsburg's Howl Why was Abe Warner famous for his Cobweb Palace at Meig's Wharf? He refused to do anything to hurt a spider, including sweeping away cobwebs Why is San Francisco Sourdough unique, and can't be made elsewhere? The yeast that gives it that unique San Francisco flavor won't grow anywhere else Why is it said that Colma has more dead people than live ones? That's where all the cemet...

The almighty comes down to two nude statues in a park and says "For a short period of time, I will bring you to life, and you can do whatever you would like to do." So these two statues come to life. They jump into a large set of bushes.  There is all kinds of rustling and banging around in the bushes. And of course the almighty peers around the bushes in time to see the male statue say to the female statue,  "Okay, now you hold down the pigeon, and I'll shit on it!" -  a. thomas schomberg

A man and a woman are playing golf.  They are playing on this old, rustic course and they come to this old barn on the side of this course. The guy hits the ball over there, and he goes over: Guy: You know,  I'm going to take a drop and just forget about the barn, just take the stroke penalty. Wife: Wait a minute, honey. What if you just open up the doors and hit right through?  You don't have to take the penalty.  So he hits the ball, and it ricochets off something and ricochets off something else, hits his wife in the head, kills her dead . One year later, the guy is playing the same course.  Comes to the same hole.  He is playing with a buddy of his.  He pushes the ball into almost the same place.  And he tells his buddy Guy: Hey man, I'm just going to pick it up and take the stroke penalty.   Buddy: Hey man, no, you know what you should do?  Open up the doors and hit it right through - then you won't have to take th...

There was these two old buddies who lived down in Alabama - they were hunting buddies and they decided they was goin' to go fishing this one time.  They were sitting down in a boat, and one of 'em says; Josh:  Well Mark, we've been friends for a long time, haven't we? Mark:  That's right Josh.  Josh: Tell me Mark, i f you was out hunting by yourself sometime, and I happen to sneak over and get with your misses and we have a baby, would that make us kin? Mark: N o, um. That'd make us even.  Jerry Cherryholmes, dinner party download, ep 16.

Two sausages are laying in a pan together. And one sausage looks at the other sausage; Sausage 1:  Oh my god, it's getting hot in here. and the other sausage looks back at him; Sausage 2:   Holy crap, a talking sausage.  Buck AE Down (Mutaytor), dinner party download, ep 15

A disheveled looking man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Bartender:  I'm sorry sir, but ah, I don't think you can afford it. Disheveled Man:  Well, if I show you something you've never seen before, will you give me a drink? Bartender:  Sure . So the man pulls out a box - in it is a little hamster.  The hamster runs down the end of the bar, gets up on the piano and starts doing Gershwin tunes. Bartender: Wow, that's amazing. I have never seen anything like that. Disheveled Man: If I show you another thing, will you give me another drink? Bartender: Of course! So he pulls out a frog out of the box, and the frog starts singing along. Another guy sees this down at the end of the bar, and he runs up to the disheveled homeless-looking man and says: I'll give you $300 for that frog. Disheveled Man:  Sure, it's a deal. He hands him the frog and the guy walks out. Bartender (incredulously): You just sold a million dollar act for thr...

A penguin walks into a bar; Penguin: Has my brother been in here? Bartender: I don't know, what does he look like? Tom Jones, dinner party download, episode 12 .

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer? Put it in the microwave until it's Bill Withers . Ed Harcourt , dinner party download, episode 11 .

This man walks into the butcher store and says to the butcher:  Are you a gambling man? Butcher: Yah, I'm a gambling man.  Man: Alright, I bet you fifty bucks you can't touch that meat up there hanging from the hook. Butcher: Nah, I'm not going to bet on that. Man: What? I thought you were a gambling man? Butcher: Yah, but the steaks are too high. Chad Brown (a.k.a. The Lonesome Cowboy), dinner party download, episode 10.

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. Bartender: What's up with the steering wheel sticking out of your pants? Pirate: Arrr, it's driving me nuts! Aaron Aites, dinner party download, episode 9 .

René Descartes walks in to a bar. Bartender: Descartes, hey, how's it going - can I get you a beer? Descartes: I think not.  ..and then he disappears. - Abigail Chapin , dinner party download, episode 8 .

A guy goes to the rabbi; Guy: Rabbi, I think my wife is trying to poison me.  Can you talk to her and find out? Rabbi: Okay, go and come back in two days. The guy comes back two days later Rabbi: You know what, I talked to your wife for two hours, maybe three. And I think you're right, I think she is trying to poison you. And if I were you, I'd take it. - Dan Ariely , dinner party download, episode 7 .

The disciple approaches the master - Disciple: Master, what is fate? Master: Disciple, it is that which causes a man to travel a great distance with a heavy load upon his back.  And which causes a road to spring up under his feet. And which causes Inns and Public Houses to spring up alongside that road to stave off hunger and weariness and thirst. Disciple: Master, that is fate. Master: Fate? I thought you said freight.  MC Frontalot, dinner party download, episode 6 .

So a dog walks into a post office. Dog: I want to send a telegram. Postman: Okay, what would you like to say? Dog: I would like to say,       "Woof, woof.         Woof woof woof.         Woof woof, woof woof." Postman: For the same price, you could put another woof in there. Dog (incredulously): Uh, but that wouldn't make any sense! - Sarah Lyall, dinner party download, episode 5 .

There's this guy, he's driving down the road, and he's got 17 penguins in the back of his car.  This cop sees him, & the cop stops him. Cop: I don't know what's going on here, but you've got to take these penguins to the zoo. Guy: Um, okay. The next day, the same guy is driving, he's got the same seventeen penguins in the back of his car. The same cop is in the speed trap and stops him again. Cop: Look man, I stopped you yesterday, I told you get these penguins to the zoo. Guy: I took them to the zoo - today we're going to the beach! - Ezra Feinberg, dinner party download, episode 4 .

David: How can you tell the drummer in the band ... David: The one who had to pay a cover charge to go to his own gig.  [so apparently all drummer jokes stink] - David Carr, dinner party download, episode 3 .

Gregg: What do you call cheese thats not yours? ( silence ) Gregg: Nacho cheese! -  Gregg Gillis (a.k.a Girl Talk), dinner party download, episode 2 .

Chandra: What do you call a deer with no eyes? Leigh: I don't know what? Chandra: No eye-deer. - The Watson Twins, dinner party download, episode 1 .