04 December 2009

SharePoint Jokes

  1. What do you call a smiling, SOBER courteous person at a SharePoint conference? A: The caterer.
  2. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some SharePoint consultants appear bright until you hear them speak.
  3. A good SharePoint consultant is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the trip.
  4. How many SharePoint consultants does it take to screw in a light bulb? How many can you afford?
  5. I always take SharePoint with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
  6. Client says to SharePoint consultant - Well aren't you a waste of two billion years of evolution.
  7. SharePoint: working daily to make the human brain obsolete.
  8. I told my boss that everyone hates SharePoint. He said I was being ridiculous… everyone hasn't used it yet.
  9. SharePoint work is something you do that nobody notices until you don't do it.
  10. Top three things SharePoint Consultant won't say:
    1. You're right; we're billing way too much for this.
    2. How about paying us based on the success of the project?
    3. I don't know enough to speak intelligently about that.

  11. I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-girlfriend and me. After all, I'm a SharePoint and she's a Documentum.
  12. I drink beer to celebrate major events, the fall of communism, or the fact that our SharePoint is still working.
  13. SharePoint Consultants have credibility because they aren't dumb enough to work at your company.
  14. A SharePoint consultant with a clear conscience is usually a sign of bad memory.
  15. With sufficient thrust and an open window, SharePoint servers fly just fine.
  16. I scream the same whether I'm about to be devoured by great white shark or work with SharePoint
  17. Good SharePoint consultants are the ones that never get caught screwing it up.
  18. If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to watch the SharePoint wheel thing spin...oh wait, he does.
  19. Kerberos with SharePoint is sort of like a bird, it's pretty cute until it shits on your head.
  20. The secret to success as a SharePoint consultant is knowing who to blame for your failures.
  21. SharePoint Consultant to client - 'We don't have a SharePoint performance problem; You have a perception problem.'
  22. I used to be indecisive about SharePoint. Now I'm not sure.
  23. SharePoint consultant to client - 'I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.'
  24. Some SharePoint mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
  25. The SharePoint consultant who laughs last probably made a back-up AND tested the restore!
  26. Overheard: "This SharePoint consultant is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
  27. SharePoint analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."
  28. 99 percent of SharePoint consultants give the rest a bad name.
  29. Never, under any circumstances, decide to install SharePoint and take a laxative on the same night.
  30. A computer can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like SharePoint.
  31. Client said: Most SharePoint consultants are idiots, and I just hired their King!
  32. Remember half the SharePoint consultants you know are below average. :)
  33. 3 reasons why SharePoint better then sex:
    1. You can usually find someone to do it with.
    2. A little coffee and you can do it all night.
    3. If you don't finish you won't gain a reputation as a "SharePoint teaser."

  34. Q: What's the difference between a SharePoint consultant and a computer nerd?
    • A: Sooner or later everyone needs a SharePoint consultant!

  35. How many SharePoint consultants does it take screw in a light bulb?
    • Answer: 100. 1 to do, 99 to say they could do it better.

  36. What do SharePoint Consultants use for birth control? - Their personalities.
  37. The first half of my life was ruined by my parents, and the second half by SharePoint.
  38. TIP: If you are a SharePoint admin and you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of SharePoint service packs.
  39. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like SharePoint end users.
  40. I like SharePoint, It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
list from Paul Swider

What did one sharepoint site say to another sharepoint site? 
    Hey, aren't we called webs?

What did the end user say to the developer?
    Oh, I didn't create that column, I was smart, I just renamed the "title" column!

What did one sharepoint web developer say to the asp.net developer?
    Why me?

What did the production portal say to the author portal?
    I'm sorry, I can't seem to find your object!

What did the parent content type say to the child content type?
    I won't give you my jeans, but I'll buy you another pair just like them and we can share!

How many people does it take to create a web part?
    two, one to write the code, another to figure out the permissions problem in production!

How many times does it take to create a Shared Service Provider?
    3, one time to screw it up without knowing it, twice to do it because sharepoint won't do right the second time and
the third after you have blown away everything and started over!

What did the server admin say to the sharepoint web developer?
    Why can't we just do this with static html?

what did the sharepoint 2003 environment tell the sharepoint 2007 environment?
    Don't worry, reboot will still fix everything.

What did the sharepoint admin do to fix an "Unexpected Error has occured"
    Delete sharepoint and start again!

What did one w3wp process say to the other?
    Hey, can I borrow one of your SPSite's?  You have plenty!       

One day a user called the helpdesk, no one answered.  Being that he was in the helpdesk office he walked down and asked the admin why they weren't answering.
She simply stated, they quit when they heard we were implementing sharepoint!

A consultant was asked to build an estimate for a SharePoint two layer approval workflow with SharePoint Designer. 
The consultant never replied.  When asked "why", he simply stated, "Impossible".

list from Chris Givens


BDC = Business Data Catalog and Backup Domain Controller

BI = Business Intelligence

CA = Central Administration and Certificate Authority

CMS = Content Management Server

DMZ = Demilitarized Zone

ECM = Enterprise Content Management

ECS = Excel Calculation Server

KPI = Key Performance Indicators

IIS = Internet Information Services

ISA = Internet Security and Acceleration Server

MMC = Microsoft Management Console

MOSS = Microsoft Office SharePoint Server 2007

O12 = Office 12

OFS = Office Forms Server

OSS = Office SharePoint Server, Office Server System and Open Source System

PDC = Primary Domain Controller

PKI = Public Key Infrastructure

RFC = Request for Comments

SPS = SharePoint Portal Server

SSL = Secure Sockets Layer

STS = SharePoint Team Services

SSP = Shared Services Provider

TLS = Transport Layer Security

URL = Uniform Resource Locater

URN = Uniform Resource Name

URI = Uniform Resource Identifier

VS = Virtual Server 2005, Virtual Server and Visual Studio

VSS = Visual Source Safe, Volume Shadow Copy Service

WA = Web Application

WAS = Web Application Stress tool

WCM = Web Content Management

WSS = Windows SharePoint Services, Web Storage System and Windows Server System

WWF = Windows Workflow Foundation and Worldwide Wrestling Federation

list from Bill English

1 comment:

firstly, thanks in advance for your comment - I don't get very many, so I'm sure to follow up if you leave me a way - secondly, come again.