Things I'll Do If I Ever Become an Evil Overlord
If I Were The Evil Overlord... After I captures the hero's super-weapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively executed; all annoying and/or humorously clever robots and androids will be destroyed; and it shall be declared a capital crime to be the "town drunk". The hero will certainly give up and abandon his quest if he has no handy source of comic relief. All deathtraps will have only one way in or out, with any way out leading to an even more cunning deathtrap that works faster. All guards (and other workers) will be entitled to three weeks paid vacation a year after one full year's employment, will be covered (after that same period) by comprehensive medical and dental insurance (paid by m...
